Loss is nothing more than change - Ashish
New year, new start. Do you want a resolution that can change your relationship with friends and family? Then do this….always!
Someone in your family/friend circle had a significant negative life-altering event, a loss in the family, bad news delivered, or just simply something we all do not wish to hear, happen. It makes most folks uncomfortable about reaching out to the impacted family/friend as they feel they lack words to express in these situations.
It may be true that we are at a loss for words to express our feelings. It is true; it is not easy to pick the phone and have an unpleasant conversation. It is true, we all wish that this was not happening. But the reality is, all this is real.
As a person who has gone through a life-altering loss, let me share what the impacted person is thinking.
The person dealing with the event is equally at loss of words for themselves. They do not know what to say to make that pain go away. So you are not alone for loss of words.
The person hurting is not looking at magic words/solutions from family/friends to take the pain away. Depending on the event, the pain can be there forever too. So do not put pressure on yourself to come up with magic words to help the person. They just want to hear your voice.
You never know what you say can have a healing effect. So many friends who spoke to me during these moments, deliberately or accidentally choose words that helped me make sense and move forward. Power of words cannot be determined by you in advance. The listener gets to make sense of your words, and within them lies the power to touch deep and heal. So talk.
The person hurting just wants to know you cared enough to show up, pick the phone, email, or simply text. Again, it is not about words, but the emotions that show you care.
You are not intruding, picking on healing wounds by talking about the event. No one heals completely. We just bury that pain away.
I feel chatting about the pain gives honor to the friendship, builds a stronger relationship, and shows the womb of humanity, where care, love, and kindness exist for each other.
Trust me, when it is your turn to help a grieving family/friend, you showing up will matter more than being scared of the loss of words.